Still at St. Dominic tonight

We are still at St. Dominic Hospital. A room did not become available today at the hospice, but we are ready to go when one does. We have heard wonderful things about Sanctuary House, and it is a great comfort to us to know she will be in a such a caring, loving environment and so close to family and friends and home. Yesterday her Uncle Bob and Uncle Connie drove here to spend the day with her.

Lydia is still resting comfortably. Even the nurses not assigned to her come into the room and talk to her and tend to her needs, because they remember her from prior stays here. Sister Maira, a hospital chaplain, visits us frequently. She is from County Cork, Ireland, and speaks with that lovely, musical Irish lilt. Lydia adores her. Lydia actually turned her head and looked toward Sister Maira when she came in today. This is something Lydia has been doing today, turning toward familiar voices.

Sanctuary

A room may be available as soon as today for Lydia at Sanctuary House (Hospice) in Tupelo. She had a quiet night and looks comfortable this morning, sleeping like an angel. So naturally, the aides have just come in to wake her and bathe her!

MRI results

Dr. Ruth was just here. The MRI shows the tumor is growing quickly at the base of her head in the back. How long do we have? 2 months, she says, six weeks? I cannot believe she will last that long; she is slipping away so quickly. Early this morning, she was having mild seizures. She is sleeping quietly now. We will be here at St. Dominic till Monday and are checking on Hospice closer to home. No more chemo.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.

Thursday morning

The nurses say that Lydia is something of a celebrity around the hospital. I guess it is because of her young age and serious condition. If Lydia could speak, her quip would be, "Please, please! No Paparazzi!

Peace and quiet

It has been a quiet day. Lydia is out of CCU and in a room now. She is heavily medicated and has had no seizures since early last evening. Still no word on the MRI. Several visitors today: Pastor Shawn, Martha, Eddie, and IV. Lydia seems calm and peaceful, but is not responding to anyone's voice or making eye contact with anyone. It could be that she hears but is not able to respond. Our Pastor prayed for her that God would be with her and keep her from being afraid or anxious. In fact, she looks like an angel lying in the bed. Everyone comments on how beautiful she is, and it is true.

He Himself is our peace. Ephesians 2:14

St. Dominic Hospital

Yesterday afternoon, Lydia began having seizures. After being transferred from the smaller hospital close to home to a larger hospital in Jackson, she is now in CCU, heavily sedated to prevent further seizures. Her doctor told us last night that this is very often what happens at the end. This woman, Dr. Ruth (her first name) we call her, has been with us since the the very beginning of all this and feels like an old friend at this point. "That is not our sweet girl in there anymore," she says looking towards the door to Lydia's room. True, but until Lydia passes from my hands to the Lord's, I will talk to her, touch her, continue to read to her, and tell her I love her. After that...what do I do after that?
She is having an MRI as I write. This will tell us exactly where things stand. We quietly wait and watch.

Fever

Lydia's temperature is 100.3. It is normally 97.8. We are on the phone now with her doctor. He says to take her to the hospital in New Albany and let them check her.

Hospital?

Lydia is not doing well. She was too weak to take chemo this past Wednesday and seems to grow weaker by the day. Mentally, as Charlie's sister put it, "Lydia is not there anymore, Lydia is gone." She no longer speaks, refuses to eat or drink most of the time, and is unable to move without help. Tomorrow (Sunday) we are going to call the doctor to see if we need to hospitalize her. We want to keep her home, but we are just not able to get her to eat or drink enough to keep her hydrated and fed. She weighs no more than 100 pounds now. She does not, however, appear to be in any pain. Thank You for this, God.

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain thee. Psalm 55:22

Be Thou my vision

I have trouble going to sleep at night, because I cannot stop thinking about Lydia and her health problems. About a week and a half before she began showing signs of the brain tumor's return, I had this "conversation" in my half-awake, half-dreaming state. Questions arose in mind as I lay there trying to quieten my thoughts. I believe it was God speaking to me.

What if there was a doctor who could heal Lydia of this brain tumor and give her back her sight, would you send her to this doctor?
Oh what a wonderful thought! Of course we would take her to him immediately.

But what if this doctor was far away in another country, a beautiful country, a peaceful county, but far away? Would you still want her to go to him?
Yes, we would! We would sell everything we have to take her there: our house, our cars, everything we have!

Do not worry: the price has already been paid, but she would have to come alone. You would be able to go to her in time and hold her in your arms again, but for now she would have to go alone. Would you still be willing to let her go to this faraway place?
Well, yes, but she would be afraid if we couldn't go. She's blind. We have been with her through all of this. I cannot bear the thought of letting her go alone, the thought of being here without her!

What if you knew that there were many, many loved ones already there waiting to greet her with open arms, joyful to see her? What if you knew there was already a beautiful place prepared in this country just for her? What if you knew that this Great Physician who would heal her eyes and take away the cancer in her brain would always be near her and would never leave her?
Yes, we would let her go...of course, we would let her go.

I understood then that this Great Physician was God and this beautiful country was Heaven, and that I had no need to worry about Lydia. She was going to be fine. These were things I knew in my head, of course. But the vision of heaven and the presence of our Lord and our loved ones there was so tangible and real to me in those moments. The promise of Lydia's healing was so beautiful--she will SEE Jesus and Grandma Wykle, Papaw and Mamaw Sappington, Sabrina Mae, and so many others. She will live in this beautiful county with them forever in perfect peace and love, worshiping the Lord always. I will hold her in my arms again. Filled with amazement and thankfulness by these things, I fell into a sound sleep, something I had not done for many months.

"She is not sent away, but only sent before...ye see her not, yet she doth shine in another country." Samuel Rutherford.

Lydia sleeps

It is midnight. She sleeps. I check her breathing often. She is slipping away from us. I know this. I force myself to know this.