Consolation

I am having a very hard time tonight. I am so sad about all that Lydia went through those last 2-3 months, and I cannot get the details of it all out of my thoughts. I go over and over it in my mind and my heart breaks.

Charlie and I went to the funeral of a dear friend’s daughter this week. This daughter, in her mid 40s, died suddenly of heart attack on Christmas Eve. The mother of this daughter is a close friend of mine. As I held this friend while she sobbed uncontrollable, I wondered at the difference in the natures of our grief. I had lost my child after watching her suffer loss after loss over many months; the last months being unbearably heart breaking. Her child was gone quickly, with no warning. My friend’s grief is intense, all-consuming; she is inconsolable. Mine has gnawed relentlessly, quietly in my heart for months. I had time to prepare though, to consider what my life would be, who I would be, when Lydia passed away. I made myself consider her death, her burial, and yes, her new life in heaven. I am so lonely for her, but the hard part for me now is remembering what that brain tumor did to my beautiful, beautiful girl.

This friend lives down the road from me. It is no coincidence that two of us here on this little hill have lost our daughters within two weeks of one another, is it? Help us, Lord, as we console one another.

Merry Christmas, Lydia

It is our first Christmas without Lydia. As our family gathered, we lit a candle for her to represent our love for her and all our memories of her, as well as to acknowledge our grief and deep sorrow that she is gone.

Has it only been two weeks since she left us? It feels like years. I want so much to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to hold her close to me until she fusses, “Enough, Mom, let me go!”

It hurts so much to let her go.

Obituary

Lydia Ruth Sappington, 27, died Monday, Dec. 10, 2007, at Sanctuary Hospice House in Tupelo, Mississippi.

She was born July 14, 1980, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. She was a student and a member of Liberty Baptist Church.

Services were at 11 a.m. Wednesday, Dec. 12, at United Funeral Service chapel with the Rev. Shawn Davis and the Rev. Ted "Eddie" Chandler officiating. Burial was in Liberty Cemetery, New Albany, Mississippi.

Survivors include her parents, Charles Edwin Sappington and Donna Kay Wykle Sappington of New Albany; two brothers, Charles E. "Chuck" Sappington Jr. and Danielle of Water Valley, and Jason D. Sappington of New Orleans, La.; her grandfather, Gene A. Wykle, and stepgrandmother, Sharon, of Crestview, Fla. She was preceded in death by her grandmother, Ella Mae Wykle, and her grandparents, J. E. and Vera Sappington. Pallbearers were Connie Sappington, Bobby Sappington, Thomas Sappington, Allen Wykle, Kenny Phillips and Danny Murrah.

Memorials may be made to Sanctuary Hospice House, 5159 W. Main St., Tupelo, MS 38801.

Arrangements

Lydia will be buried in Liberty Cemetery on Wednesday, with all those Sappingtons who have gone before her and who joyfully greeted her when she arrived in heaven.

Lydia was surrounded by her brothers, Chuck and Jason, and Charlie and me when she passed. She died peacefully. We were cautioned about the real possibility of very high fever with seizures at the end, but it never came to that. Her breathing just gradually became more and more shallow. In the end, she opened her eyes completely and breathed her last. I was not prepared for the gravity of that moment of transition. I could not comprehend the reality of the life and spirit passing out of the precious body before me: this infant I had nursed, this toddler, this little girl, this beautiful young woman whom I had loved with all my heart every day of her earthly life.

We are all very tired and broken but are being ministered to by our friends and loved ones. I will never forget the sacrificial love that has been shown to us.

She is healed

Our precious Lydia went to be with the Lord this morning at 2:30 am.

Special grace

Lydia is on Morphine and Atavan to ease her breathing and fever and to keep her from having seizures. She sleeps most of the time now and does not seem to be in any pain or discomfort. We sense that God has given her a special grace for this time to keep her mind quiet and free from fear as she goes through this.

I slept at home last night for the first time in 2 weeks. I do not want to leave Lydia's side, and I stay with her day and night. Charlie is with her right now. It is hard to see her this way; she has always been so quick to laugh or give you a hug.

I apologize for not posting in several days. I have not had access to the internet till just this morning, but I should be able to give an update on most days now. Thank for your caring hearts. Thank you for you prayers. Thank you for your love.

Home again

A warm fire, lovely paintings and stitchery on the walls, comfy chairs, a garden with birdfeeders and a fountain, a gazebo to sit under and ponder life, loving, caring people all around--doesn't this sound like home? It is home for Lydia for now. She is in the Sanctuary Hospice House in Tupelo. How can such a blessing be possible at a dark time like this? Lydia is comfortable and tended to by angels in this place.

I am at the library right now just looking through what has piled up on my desk this week (not much! the staff handles things so well), and Charlie is by Lydia's side. One or both of us is with her 24 hours a day, and I am headed there now. I am taking her little poodle Xander for a visit. If he behaves, we might let him stay with her all the time!

She is in Room 4 East, and you are welcome to visit. If you want to email us, there is a link under my profile. How can we possibly thank all of you for your prayers and love?

A Room for Lydia

We got the word from Sanctuary House that there is a room for Lydia now. As soon as an ambulance is ready here, we will be going there.

Lydia's Grandpa Wykle and Sharon are here with her now.

Still at St. Dominic tonight

We are still at St. Dominic Hospital. A room did not become available today at the hospice, but we are ready to go when one does. We have heard wonderful things about Sanctuary House, and it is a great comfort to us to know she will be in a such a caring, loving environment and so close to family and friends and home. Yesterday her Uncle Bob and Uncle Connie drove here to spend the day with her.

Lydia is still resting comfortably. Even the nurses not assigned to her come into the room and talk to her and tend to her needs, because they remember her from prior stays here. Sister Maira, a hospital chaplain, visits us frequently. She is from County Cork, Ireland, and speaks with that lovely, musical Irish lilt. Lydia adores her. Lydia actually turned her head and looked toward Sister Maira when she came in today. This is something Lydia has been doing today, turning toward familiar voices.

Sanctuary

A room may be available as soon as today for Lydia at Sanctuary House (Hospice) in Tupelo. She had a quiet night and looks comfortable this morning, sleeping like an angel. So naturally, the aides have just come in to wake her and bathe her!

MRI results

Dr. Ruth was just here. The MRI shows the tumor is growing quickly at the base of her head in the back. How long do we have? 2 months, she says, six weeks? I cannot believe she will last that long; she is slipping away so quickly. Early this morning, she was having mild seizures. She is sleeping quietly now. We will be here at St. Dominic till Monday and are checking on Hospice closer to home. No more chemo.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.

Thursday morning

The nurses say that Lydia is something of a celebrity around the hospital. I guess it is because of her young age and serious condition. If Lydia could speak, her quip would be, "Please, please! No Paparazzi!

Peace and quiet

It has been a quiet day. Lydia is out of CCU and in a room now. She is heavily medicated and has had no seizures since early last evening. Still no word on the MRI. Several visitors today: Pastor Shawn, Martha, Eddie, and IV. Lydia seems calm and peaceful, but is not responding to anyone's voice or making eye contact with anyone. It could be that she hears but is not able to respond. Our Pastor prayed for her that God would be with her and keep her from being afraid or anxious. In fact, she looks like an angel lying in the bed. Everyone comments on how beautiful she is, and it is true.

He Himself is our peace. Ephesians 2:14

St. Dominic Hospital

Yesterday afternoon, Lydia began having seizures. After being transferred from the smaller hospital close to home to a larger hospital in Jackson, she is now in CCU, heavily sedated to prevent further seizures. Her doctor told us last night that this is very often what happens at the end. This woman, Dr. Ruth (her first name) we call her, has been with us since the the very beginning of all this and feels like an old friend at this point. "That is not our sweet girl in there anymore," she says looking towards the door to Lydia's room. True, but until Lydia passes from my hands to the Lord's, I will talk to her, touch her, continue to read to her, and tell her I love her. After that...what do I do after that?
She is having an MRI as I write. This will tell us exactly where things stand. We quietly wait and watch.

Fever

Lydia's temperature is 100.3. It is normally 97.8. We are on the phone now with her doctor. He says to take her to the hospital in New Albany and let them check her.

Hospital?

Lydia is not doing well. She was too weak to take chemo this past Wednesday and seems to grow weaker by the day. Mentally, as Charlie's sister put it, "Lydia is not there anymore, Lydia is gone." She no longer speaks, refuses to eat or drink most of the time, and is unable to move without help. Tomorrow (Sunday) we are going to call the doctor to see if we need to hospitalize her. We want to keep her home, but we are just not able to get her to eat or drink enough to keep her hydrated and fed. She weighs no more than 100 pounds now. She does not, however, appear to be in any pain. Thank You for this, God.

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain thee. Psalm 55:22

Be Thou my vision

I have trouble going to sleep at night, because I cannot stop thinking about Lydia and her health problems. About a week and a half before she began showing signs of the brain tumor's return, I had this "conversation" in my half-awake, half-dreaming state. Questions arose in mind as I lay there trying to quieten my thoughts. I believe it was God speaking to me.

What if there was a doctor who could heal Lydia of this brain tumor and give her back her sight, would you send her to this doctor?
Oh what a wonderful thought! Of course we would take her to him immediately.

But what if this doctor was far away in another country, a beautiful country, a peaceful county, but far away? Would you still want her to go to him?
Yes, we would! We would sell everything we have to take her there: our house, our cars, everything we have!

Do not worry: the price has already been paid, but she would have to come alone. You would be able to go to her in time and hold her in your arms again, but for now she would have to go alone. Would you still be willing to let her go to this faraway place?
Well, yes, but she would be afraid if we couldn't go. She's blind. We have been with her through all of this. I cannot bear the thought of letting her go alone, the thought of being here without her!

What if you knew that there were many, many loved ones already there waiting to greet her with open arms, joyful to see her? What if you knew there was already a beautiful place prepared in this country just for her? What if you knew that this Great Physician who would heal her eyes and take away the cancer in her brain would always be near her and would never leave her?
Yes, we would let her go...of course, we would let her go.

I understood then that this Great Physician was God and this beautiful country was Heaven, and that I had no need to worry about Lydia. She was going to be fine. These were things I knew in my head, of course. But the vision of heaven and the presence of our Lord and our loved ones there was so tangible and real to me in those moments. The promise of Lydia's healing was so beautiful--she will SEE Jesus and Grandma Wykle, Papaw and Mamaw Sappington, Sabrina Mae, and so many others. She will live in this beautiful county with them forever in perfect peace and love, worshiping the Lord always. I will hold her in my arms again. Filled with amazement and thankfulness by these things, I fell into a sound sleep, something I had not done for many months.

"She is not sent away, but only sent before...ye see her not, yet she doth shine in another country." Samuel Rutherford.

Lydia sleeps

It is midnight. She sleeps. I check her breathing often. She is slipping away from us. I know this. I force myself to know this.